by Ryan Duncan and Kyle Ulman

On February 10, singing sensation Rebecca Black released her critically acclaimed new single, “Friday.” Coming from mere obscurity, this luscious teen idol has the looks and charm of a Taylor Swift, yet the ambition and sexiness of a Miley Cyrus. This new pop sensation has hit YouTube and iTunes by storm and is on the verge of global stardom.
Born on June 21, 1997 in Anaheim Hills, she struggled as a youth. Raised in the hills by a pack of Coyotes, she learned the way of the dog. Her normal diet consisted of small mammals that she ate whole as well as grasses and other shrubbery.
But at age ten, much to her dismay, she learned that she was not in fact a coyote. At age 11, she grew so different from her Coyote brethren, that she felt distanced and alone. This is when she claimed that she discovered her musical talents. When feeling alone, she would crawl up the tallest peak in the Anaheim Hills, and howl at the moon. On one of these solemn nights, musical producer Maurice Starr was feeding gazelle when he heard a voice as beautiful as that of the Sirens of the Aegean. He immediately signed her to a record twenty year, one billion-dollar contract.
From the point of her signing, it took Rebecca a mere two years to come up with the lyrical masterpiece of “Friday,” as well as its wonderfully aesthetic music video. The song begins with Rebecca howling, which seems to be a tribute to her coyote roots. Rebecca is then pictured springing out of bed and spewing lyrics so fast she makes Busta Ryhmes look like Barry Manilow. She proceeds to the bus stop where her friends happen to offer her a ride.
With this, Rebecca is confronted with the timeless question that only Socrates and Plato would attempt to answer: which seat should she take? Usually the most common solution would be to take the only available seat in the car, but Rebecca dares to explore other options. She decides to take the back seat, and in an obvious middle finger to authority, she stands erect. And if this isn’t enough of a perturbation, an obviously unlicensed ten-year-old is pictured driving the car with one hand.
In the next scene, Rebecca is shown rolling up to a huge house party, where she continues to howl her little heart out. This leads to the heart and soul of the song where Rebecca reminds us all that when it is Friday, the day before is Thursday and the next day is Saturday with Sunday following immediately after. This line of the song is especially appreciated because it shows the contrast of “Friday’s” artistic lyrics compared to the corporate idiocracy of today’s mainstream music.
The song culminates with a featured performance by the fifty-year-old Maurice “Show Me The Money” Starr as he races in his car to make it in time for Junior High house party. Overall, we believe Rebecca Black’s “Friday” was a huge success. With its timeless lyrics and rhythmic beat, “Friday” can easily be known as the song of our generation.
Nevertheless, the Music Moguls can not wait for her upcoming album, which is dropping in 2012.

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