The girl with the long blond hair greeted us at the entrance. With a body fit for a Baywatch lifeguard, she pushed away the hoards of people in the restaurant guiding us to our table.
Our little Jason Sim almost fell into a trance, but fortunately our waitress, Candy, heroically hoisted him in her arms and carried him to our table. The flair on the walls and the dynamic pulsing neon lights were a bit overwhelming, but Candy’s warm personality and tender touch made us feel right at home. After we found our seats, Ari felt affirmed of his choice. “Am I right or am I right, you guys?” He could have meant heaven, but this time he was right about Hooters.
Everything felt right in this gastronomic temple. Even Chudi felt satisfied, even though he was about to kill Ari if we didn’t make it in time for the Laker game. Luckily, we made it in time, and there were plenty of TV’s for Chudi to cheer on his favorite player, Luke Walton.
Then Jason’s mouth suddenly started to water. He said, “I need some of that sweet stuff.” Thankfully Candy came back to quench his sweet tooth and take the rest of our orders. Chudi, Ari and Larry all wanted Hooters’ self-proclaimed “nearly world famous” wings, and Ari added some lip-smacking fried dill pickle chips to his order. Ari ordered his wings “3-Mile Island” spicy, while Chudi, being a man of simple taste, ordered just “hot.”
Jason, feeling inspired by the wild atmosphere, ordered a pulled pork sandwich. Larry, on the other hand, could not project his soft-spoken voice over the load noise of the Long Beach Grand Prix racecars. His order didn’t get taken, and a sudden wave of sadness drowned him in sorrow. He hadn’t felt that sad since the unexpected death of his Mexican, regaeton-singing hen, Mini Daddy.
Fortunately, Larry placed his order once Candy brought back the drinks. Within minutes, she returned with heaping piles of food.
Ari felt somewhat nervous taking on his Adam Richman-esque challenge of eating Hooters’ spiciest chicken wings, but the grotesque sweating soon subsided after he tasted them.  Chudi, Ari and Larry each agreed that these wings oozed deliciousness; similar to how Jason’s aura oozes poor driving. The crispy golden breading provided a great textural contrast to the moist, tender chicken. The spice level on the Three-Mile Island chicken was a bit underwhelming. In fact, they carried a cloak like our favorite deceiving author, Greg Mortenson. Larry’s wings carried too much sauce for his taste.
Nevertheless, the rolls of paper towels on the table made it easy for this normally animalistic eater to stay clean. Jason liked his sandwich, but he couldn’t fully appreciate it since he was still traumatized from his near-death driving experience on the way to the restaurant. Lastly, the fried dill pickle chips were a crowd favorite. Larry wished fellow guidette Snooki was there to enjoy the dill pickle delight with him.
With our bellies full and Chudi flaring after the Lakers’ loss, we left our beautiful waitress Candy and the fellow Laker fans who shared our sorrow. Candy put Ari’s heart in a lovelock. Though he couldn’t give his heart to her, he ended up leaving a 25% tip, which made the frugal Larry furious.
We left the restaurant with mischievous James Bond music playing, which would have made our sly friend Arjun Reddy feel right at home. Ultimately, Hooters’ combination of impeccable service, lip-smacking food, and beautiful women make it an experience that is hard to beat. It truly is “delightfully tacky, yet unrefined.”
As we walked to our car, we knew we had reached the end of an era. Our time at Chadwick has come to a triumphant finish, and you, our faithful companions, have stuck with us through the good times, the bad times, and the incredibly weird times.
Our four years of high school can never be relived, yet our memories will always stay with us. The guidos could not have done it alone, and you all, our readers, provided us with the courage that kept us motivated throughout these past four years, and for that we thank you. Viva el guido!