by Jim Simmons and Hank Trumbull

In our five years here, we have seen almost all that Chadwick has to offer between the two of us. We have spent more time hanging around ’wick on the long fall days and late winter nights than most of the student body.
In all this time we have seen people and things come and go, but the one thing we have yet to see is a meal made by the cafeteria that is manly enough for our hearty tastes. The Chadwick cafeteria provides a light snack for the average freshman girl, but we hungry men are looking for a sandwich that has the big meat.
Here is the problem: as growing teenage boys, we look for a meal that will taste good, fill us up and is cheap. The cafeteria often fulfills a few of these requirements, but we have yet to see a meal that can meet all of our needs.
Sometimes, the cafeteria will provide a hearty meal of beef with a side of a surprise meat sauce, but we must refuse the entree in fear of spending our football practices throwing up in the bushes. Even though this meal is definitely large enough to fill us up, it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t stay down.
On the other hand, the buffalo wings are always tasty, but we aren’t trying to pay $3 for something that couldn’t keep us full for more than an hour. We don’t want to pay a dollar a buffalo wing at school, when we can get a feast of buffalo wings delivered by Dominos for half the price. Worst of all, the Arizona Ice Tea says 99 cents on the bottle, but the cafeteria manages to sell it for $1.75. We were tired of these unfair deals and decided to take matters into our own hands.
Being the intelligent men we are, we decided to do a little research on our topic. We started with the question, how much does a quality meal that fills us up cost in the real world?
We visited our three favorite places to fill up where we go when we have the muchies: Taco Bell, Sandos and AM-PM. We loaded up on Crunch Wrap Supremes, THCs (turkey, ham and cheese sanwiches) and ICEEs until we couldn’t take any more.
We made sure to get as much food as desired, and after our fast food fiesta we totaled the prices to get an average amount paid for an excellent meal. After all that food, it only totaled up to be an inexpensive $6 dollar cost for a high-content meal. “Why can’t it be like this at Chadwick?” Dr. Ba (junior Jared Agnew) asked.
At ’wick the average break snack consists of a bagel, a Snapple, at least three buffalo wings, two bananas (one to eat, one for birdman) and a bag of chips. This all totals up to be around $8, and it only fills us up till lunch time. We finally understood  that the added convenience of the cafeteria was truly not worth the extra money.
Now, we decided, it was time to work towards a solution to our culinary problems. The obvious plan was to skip the cafeteria and go out to lunch every day, but being juniors, we could only do this a limited number of times before getting caught and forced back onto campus.
We needed a constant source of superb food as bad as Nala needed a manlier nickname. After pondering our problem for many hours on end, the solution hit us with a bang. Why pay all this money for food, when the absolute best food source available was right in front of us?
The answer was simple: home- made lunches from our mothers. We had forgotten about the beautiful, filling sandwiches our mothers had made back in the days of elementary school. Rather than complaining about the cafeteria food, we could just enjoy the food we had been eating since Day 1. Yet again, our mothers had solved all of our problems and now we are happy once again.

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